Somebody once said, "before I had children I had seven principles of raising children, but now I am married and have six children but no principle" This might sound like a apologetic attitude by any parent, yet in practice a lot of us have surrendered our principles silently. The worst thing you can do to any parent, is to try suggest to them in any way how they can discipline their child. Someone might say " wait a minute who told you that you are a perfect parent yourself? For some reason almost all of us think we know a thing or two about parenting , discipline and raising kids well. To be honest at one point or another we all have seen kids misbehaving directly under the nose of their parents. Even if you cannot say anything, but deep down you will be yearning to say , If only they can lend me their child for a month or two.
Lets face it we live in a community environment where either by fate or design children have to meet or play or interact to say the least, unless if yours are Prince Charles's. Some things we can't avoid noticing even from a distance. We see kids or people's behaviours when we are visiting, in buses , schools, church or even in the stores while we are shopping our groceries. Fences and wall have done a good job for protecting us as neighbours from seeing what is going on next door. While I acknowledged that parenting or raising kids or disciplining them is not easy I must also acknowledge that there is no school for "good parenting." Most people have good education and are specialist in various fields but none posses a certificate of parenting from any known institution.
Or perhaps in the first place no one undergoes a test to see if they are stable minded or at least old enough to have children apart from our biological bodies. "There is a saying that says being a parent does not make you an adult."At this point I think, "I am a library of sayings". The adulthood or maturity issue, also adds to the complication of the matter. No matter how old we can be as parents we do not share the same parenting skills or principles. Our schools of parenting and discipline usually collide. For those who are fortunate to receive counselling and advice from the church or places like that either, before or during the period of parenting are at a better position. These too are not exempted from the tests. Children at any age seem to enjoy testing their parents integrity and flexibility. Here they may find a willing or weaker parent or even more flexible one. Sadly they might even divide the parents themselves.
Remember the story of Jacob and Esau in the bible. The father loved Esau while the mother loved Jacob. Tricks were done. Talk about a house divided. As I write this article, I am also looking after my son who is now almost seven months old. Themba. My wife is at work. I love her. Angie. He keeps demanding my attention each and every second. I wish he knew how important this thing is to me. To provoke people to open up about parenting and discipline. Quite often we are also caught up in the important things of this life that we neglect our children. Be it our careers, jobs or callings or even simple habits and hobbies. We have more important business to take care of. This is a problem mainly in the black or African Community. Our roles are somehow upside down. Raising children is for women and so does disciplining. For every rule there is an exception, my friend David usually say.
Whichever way we look at the issue, its clear that we have a problem. Some of these problems are created by the social and economic values. The role of parents are changing. Some of us are raising children "far from the madding crowd." There is no Gogo or Khulu, no uncle no aunt. It used to be that, It takes a village to raise a child but not anymore. The cultural laws laws are different. Most of us would never have thought of " talking back to our parents", but today kids do. State and federal laws can intervene in case they think one is not parenting the right way. Spare the road and spoilt the kid. The rulers of these lands do not subscribe to that. Sometime back in 2002 a black church in Indianapolis church was taken to court because their members practised discipline. This is the way most of us were raised. At home and at schools. There were consequences for bad judgment. I must admit some were severe and harsh but one needed to adhere to discipline. Most white people worship thier children, they cannot even pinch little Mike when he misbehaves. That too is a tragedy, being too nice.
One problem that we have especially as both blacks and Africans is that we subscribe to the idea that "we should give or children what we did not have." This is a good idea but many times we have created another problem and one which we do not know how to deal with. We bury our children in things , toys , toys and fancy clothes. Most do not know the value of things. They take things for granted. There is a disconnection. In the process we deny them thier heritage. For them to know where we are going they must know where we are coming from. Its inside out. We can blame the media and all day long, but if we do not apply our beliefs and principles we reap the same. We should never confuse good for right. (Thanks to Dr Myles Monroe) "What is good is not always right," he said.
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